Reminisce

2012-02-10T20:41:00.003+08:00

Baby Adam ♥

Feeq's cutest cousin. Can't wait to meet this lil angel.

We are young

2012-02-10T19:50:00.003+08:00

In 2 weeks time, i will officially graduate from school. And trust me when i say i have not a damn clue as to where i'm going after this. Life was better planned when i was young. All we did was making ambitions, study, graduate and moved on to a new school and the process starts back all over again.

Things are definitely different now. And decisions are so much harder to make. Its no more relying on your parents to make the choices for you now. Before, they can be the ones to choose your secondary school and maybe your poly courses. But they can't be the ones to choose what you'll work as your entire life.

I'm stuck in the middle of my life. I have plans about my future but i'm not 100% confident of them. On the other side, i have a family that hoped i'll be a nurse one day. It stress me out like crazy every time i think about it. Choosing between what i want for myself and what they want for me.

I'm turning twenty this year. There's not even a 'teenth' behide the number anymore. Working life sucks big time eversince i went through attachments. Whats more being an adult with all the commitments you'll have to make along the way.

I just wish i could hold on to sixteen. Period.

2012-02-10T19:40:00.001+08:00

Forever Dalena

Dream Big

2012-01-23T16:28:00.003+08:00

I got my plans for the future all laid out. Well, at least what i wanna do right after prcp ends while waiting for graduation. I wanna start again on my photography. I know i'm still new into this and my pictures are definitely still immature but i'm gonna work on it. They say to be perfect you need to practice. I got myself inspired on this group of boys who are into fashion photography. Technically one of the boys is my secondary school mate. While some of the pictures kinda look gay to me, its the fashion sense, the poses, the background, the editings that made me intrigued.

For more pictures, you can click this webpage http://lifewarfashionweapon.tumblr.com/

Besides that, I'm hoping feeq would do a cover with me. We've tried it before once but weren't able to upload the cover in a video. So now, i'm thinking the bestest and easiest way to record the cover with good sound system is to use my dslr. And i really really so badly want him to take me down for jamming. Please! This time round, i'm determine to get these achieved.

Things that i want:

2012-01-14T15:36:00.004+08:00

Flare pants
A pair of platforms
A new tote bag
Dream catcher necklace
A full head turban
A pair of sandals
Torn up straightcut jeans
A vintage small camera bag
A cute colourful silicon phone casing

I'll meet you halfway

2012-01-14T15:13:00.002+08:00

How time flies. Suddenly when i look at myself i'm already halfway to the end. I'm proud i made it this far. For a girl who doesn't like attachments and probably isn't confident of this career path, i prove myself a stronger person.

Some days at work could be rough. Had to go home late just to complete my tasks, skipped breaks cause there were to much things to be done. Sometimes i feel like i can't catch my breath. All i ever think of now is to have a well deserved rest after every shift and probably food. I swear i'm gonna have unintentionally weight lost this prcp. I will forever feel hungry during work. But on the flip side, i've not experienced a super super awful day at work that you'll go home feeling effed up bout it and start crying. I have awesome peceptors. I've come across their moody side but its tolerable. Never as bad as what other would speak of their's.

So this is it. Another 6 more weeks to go. I like to use the words 1 and a half month actually. Cause the number 1 sounds lesser than 6. Haha. Totally going to survive alone. No more being on the same shift, cubicle and preceptor with Efa. CI wants us to be taking 6 cases now therefore we all had to split. All the best to us then. Amin.

First for the year

2012-01-01T16:39:00.003+08:00

Let any other years, I've prepared myself new year resolutions of which i want to accomplish this year of which i'd like to share.

1) To graduate together with my friends on 23rd May.

2) Make up my mind seriously on what i wanna do after grad. Either straightaway work or continue my studies. No more being indecisive!

3)To have a short getaway with feeq. Knowing my parents won't allow to go overseas with friends, i'm just hoping they'll let me go at least somewhere abit further than Jb (eg. Melake, Port Dickson) even if its for a day.

4) To meet feeq's family and start attending his family gatherings. No more running away. Haha.

5) To make feeq's 21st an unforgettable one. Insyaallah.

6) To upgrade my photography skills.

7) No more rebonding of hair.

8) To have a change of hairstyle. Thinking of going short or keeping it long with curls.

9) To go overseas with my family this year! This time round, i wouldn't let myself miss all the fun.

10) Be there for feeq when he serves his NS.

11) To be a better friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, grandchild.

Nope, i'm not wishing to gain any weight this year. Cause i think 49kg is enough. I'm loving the porpotion of my body. Hees. Thats all the resolutions i can think of at the moment. Till then, Happy New Year!

Missing you

2011-12-26T13:25:00.003+08:00

I miss Muhd Shafeeq Bin Jumat alot.

Infuriated

2011-12-26T12:27:00.003+08:00

At times i wonder what miracle will it take for you to open your heart and turn over a new leaf. You will never listen to my countless naggings cause it's useless getting them from someone younger than you. But i'm all out of ideas on how to deal with you. I'm the only one in the house that knows all your secrets and its certainly causing me a heartache keeping them to myself.

Change. What will it take to change you. You're 20. So start acting like one. Lets start with being responsible first. Start lending a hand with the endless house chores. Would it kill for you to pick out your clothes from the piles of ironed ones instead of me always doing it for you? You can't even freaking do a simple task as that. And maybe stop lying to mom and dad that you're having chalet when you're going partying instead. Don't think i'm so dumb not to know the only reason you're doing this is because of your boyfriend. Again, the same excuse.

Are you that dumb to not see what a brat your guy is? That's just your problem. All the guys that you've been with are just assholes. Can't you just differentiate between whats wrong and right? You're so foolish girl.

Please be in my shoes to know exactly how frustrating it feels when you still have not pay my debt. You've been working for more than 6 months now and you even have a very good pay to start off with, but why am i not even seeing any effort of you paying me back? The last time i heard your excuse, you told me dad was borrowing your money and therefore you don't have enough to pay me back. So i closed one eye. Now, all i'm hearing is that you want to shop. You even told mom to let you spend your salary till end of this for shopping and that you'll starting saving up only next year. Why is it that you'll never have the money to pay me back but you have it for your own wants?

Feel me sis, then you realise how heartaching and frustrating you make me feel with all your nonsense and foolish choices. One day when my heart becomes too heavy holding in all the secrets, anger and heartaches you gave me, you'll watch how my tongue will tell the anger of my heart.

Inhale...........exhale.

Back again

2011-12-10T21:58:00.002+08:00

I'm back again to blog sooner than i thought i would be. Okay, lets start off with the trip to Melaka over the last weekend that i was forced to tag along. Technically it went well than expected. I thought i would be grumpy and showing attitude during the trip as the night before i was really stressed up thinking of it and prcp but nope, i was really enjoying the chalet and games organised by my cousins till it didn't even feel like a saturday. But sunday was disappointing much. Uncle's car broke down at Melaka itself. Of cause the problem prolonged our trip back home. The whole day i was just worried sick thinking about the time i'll be home finally and getting enough rest. We reached home around midnight as dad predicted.

On another note, first week of prcp have past. So far so good. I thank Him for putting me in sucha ward i never expect i would get. Just hope i do not speak too soon. Heh.

On another note, i miss my bf everyday now.

In my atmosphere

2011-12-01T20:49:00.002+08:00

It felt like it was just yesterday that I had my last day in A&E which falls exactly on Kishore's birthday. 2 months of holidays that I've been looking forward like crazy is now left with 4 more days. How did time past by that fast? I guess i myself knows best that i've not been spending my holidays well enough. I was given 2 months yet i'm still unable to meet bestfriend, favourite girls, poly mates and spending quality time with the boy.

I feel like crap actually. I wish i could embrace the days left before prcp but what the shit. I'm FORCED to tag along on a 2 days 1 night holiday with dad's side to Melaka. While everyone else is taking leave on Monday, I'm having my first day. And it wasn't comforting much when dad told me the earliest we might reach home is by midnight. Screw this vacation.

Been having butterflies in my tummy as it gets nearer to the date. I bet the other 300 nursing students are feeling the same. Thinking about it makes me crazy. I'm not at the slightest mentally/physically prepared to do night shifts and working over the weekends. I'm not even confident with myself holding the role of a staff nurse. Hearing how long this attachment is, 3 months just makes me weaker. I'm not sure if i'm able to pull this through cause i'm just not the kind of girl that can take pressure. I'll break down like nuts.

So here it goes. Probably my last post in about a couple weeks before I'll grab the time to update this blog again. Insyaallah i can pull this off in one piece. May Allah give me strength, patience and guidance to overcome this challenge and open my heart to this.

Amin.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2011-11-29T16:57:00.002+08:00

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I watched this Thailand love movie as recommended by sis. It wasn't a regret. So maybe it might sound a little cliche; first love, she love him but he didn't know, he loves her but she didn't know, broken hearted, happy endings. But i guess its the bestest love stories ever watched so far.

Watching this kinda makes me go back all the way to high school. This movie is even based on true story.

This was the girl and her miracle changes she went through just for the guy she loved.

This is her senior whom she fell in love with. Cute stuff like hell!

This is the bestest scene ever.

Okay, I shall not be a movie spoiler. Go watch at youtube yeah~!

101 dates

2011-11-29T16:42:00.002+08:00

I know we go out often but it's once in a while that we make an outing slightly different and turning it into a date instead of a casual informal meetup. Thanks to love for putting this day all on him.

I appreciate the thought that you volunteered to watch Breaking Dawn with me cause I know you never like stupid fantasy stories like these. I was happy enough that you actually enjoyed the movie though you were lost. Thank you also for satisfying my cravings for pizzas and bringing me ice skating something which i've been longing to do. I enjoyed myself for a moment there laughing my heart out with you trying to figure out how to ice skate and embarrassing myself by falling down quite alot.

Cheers to moments like these.

2011-11-29T16:38:00.001+08:00

4 words; I love Mom's side

9 days

2011-11-25T18:21:00.004+08:00

It's always the last few weeks before clinical starts that my life will start to be busy. And its this kind of feelings that makes me too attached to the holidays and people that i've spent it with that i will find it hard and torturing to let go. Hopefully this last week will be well spent because i don't get a chance like this ever again.

Saturday: Family day for civil servants @ Marina Barrage and Breaking Dawn with the family

Sunday: Family gathering/dinner @ Simpang Bedok with Mom's side

Monday:

Tuesday:

Wednesday: (Formal date with love, ice cream meetup with favorite girls and study session

Thursday: with the boy for prcp)

Friday:

Saturday: (2 days 1 night Melake chalet with Dad's side)

Sunday:

Messed up friday

2011-11-25T17:52:00.004+08:00

Lets start off with the fact that the whole picnic plan was a total failure. Didn't quite get in my head why some couldn't attend when the event was informed 2 weeks in advance. It was more disappointing knowing the ones who originally thought of this meetup were the ones who couldn't make it.

That aside, after much decisions and planning me and farna came down to just us and bringing Hasanah along for a photoshoot. But earlier in the morning i had to accompany mom to polyclinic as she was complaining of knee pain for 2 days. She was afraid to go alone thinking that something might happen to her on her journey to the polyclinic and therefore she asked for a company. I was the only available person. Unfortunately lil sis had cca today. But who would have thought that a visit to the polyclinic would take sucha bloody long freaking time. Hell yeah it was my first time experiencing that. Mind you i was there from 9.06am till 1.30pm. I was restless and tired myself waiting for mom.

In the end, i back out from the plan. There was no way i could reach city hall any sooner than 4 plus. And i only had bread for lunch, my cam wasn't charged and it was already drizzling.

To my girl, i am really so sorry for this.

I'm the happiest kid in the world

2011-11-24T16:28:00.002+08:00

Siti was skyping with Sis Nazzie on Monday and she told her how bad i wanted this skater dress but it cost $27 so i hesitated. I got the happiest news when i was told Sis Nazzie is buying that dress for me!

How great can your life be when you have sisters that aren't selfish to buy you stuffs.

Heh heh.

The Impromptu Meetup

2011-11-24T14:35:00.002+08:00

It was the bestest impromptu meetup ever. Despite the fact that it was raining heavily the whole day and we were over dress t0 the places that we went and plans didn't go accordingly, i had the bestest fun with you. We should do that an hour plus heartfelt talk under the shelter due to the pouring rain again soon cause i like that part best.

Masquerade Madness

2011-11-23T20:42:00.003+08:00

Model: Siti Nadhirah

Makeup: Nur Syuhadah

Blood sisters

2011-11-23T20:18:00.003+08:00

Tuesday was a date out with the sisters. Tiring but pleasurable much. Sis Adah took a day off from her work cause we were suppose to do a photoshoot themed masquerade. But that girl who was all gaga over doing photoshoots ended up last minute backing out to be my model cause she was too lazy to dress up in a prom dress. Pffft.

We lunched out over at Seoul Garden under Sis Adah's treat. Its always a bless to have elder sister or brothers because you don't have to fork out a single cent when you're out together. Hehee. After which we trained down Botanic Garden with our super bbq smell on our shirts. I swear i smell so awful. Since Sis Adah backed out from the plan, little sister had to be my model all alone. But Sis Adah was indeed of much help also lah. She was like the 'mak andam' for little sis throughout the whole photoshoot.

Packed up by 5 plus and we stop by Junction 8 for a shopping spree over at Cotton On and ice cream at Marble Slab. Ended the day with a heartfelt train ride back home story.

Unfortunately unfortunate

2011-11-21T17:42:00.003+08:00

How sway can this be? Both my laptop and phone gave me problems on the same day. My laptop won't detect any networks and henceforth, i couldn't get connected to the internet when just the night before it was working perfectly fine. Lucky i have sucha nice boyfriend who is willing to help me send both my things for servicing. Mind you the places are far.

But on a brighter note, my laptop is okay now. They said there was something wrong with the driver. I don't have a clue whats that. And they fixed it right on the spot and am even happier i didn't have to fork out a single cent. Just feeling a little naked without a smartphone with me. Its okay, just tahan for a week alrights.

Future

2011-11-18T14:45:00.003+08:00

I hate when someone asks me regarding my future. The fact that I dislike it is because i could never find a definite answer to their questions concerning it. This is me, stuck in the middle not really having the slightest clue as to what my next step should be.

You see, i don't really like nursing. In fact, i don't have the slightest interest in it. I made a mistake 3 years back when i put nursing as my first choice. What the hell was i thinking listening to my mom and putting myself through this. She, above all people wanted me to be just like my cousin. I could never be her. She likes what she's doing. Me, on the other hand is just forcing myself through to get a diploma cert by the end of the 3 years course.

Others are fortunate that they can withdraw from their course and get a second chance to pursue what they think they can as soon as they find out that it isn't really what they wanted. But i could never give myself that second chance cause i was too afraid of rubbing disappointments onto my parents face.

So i've planned out my future in mind. Since i couldn't give myself that second chance back then, why not i give myself that chance after my diploma? I thought of continuing my studies over at NIE to pursue my childhood dreams of being a teacher. Dad was the easiest person to talk into. He would never go against my interests. Nevertheless, I had trouble convincing mom especially and bf. Mom will always have a thousand reasons to shut my mouth up whenever we discuss this issue. Sometimes i understand mom. She just doesn't want me to waste my 3 years in nursing and knowing that its the bestest career path anyone can go to. But sometimes i wish she could just understands me back for once, my wants not needs. As for bf, he's afraid i'll be making another wrong choice cause right now, even though i hate nursing, i'm doing kinda well.

Point is right now, I'm just surviving this for the sake of the cert. I'm tired of surviving. Its time for me to live up to something. Can i?

Tuesday with his friends

2011-11-18T14:30:00.002+08:00

Tuesday was a triple date with the boy's friends. First up Ifan, feeq and i picked up Fatima at Queensway before he head down to Beach road for our late lunch. After which we wasted an hour waiting for ifan to go for his car prac at Ubi. Was a little pissed with that issue but lucky he never really spent full 1 hour for his prac. By then it was already 5 plus and we were making pit-stops at several parks at punggol as we waited for Rain and Aisah to come over for prawning. Plans then change. Ifan suggested to prawn at Ang Mo Kio instead of Punggol. A lil bit irritating lah he. First and the last time i'm ever going there to prawn. So expensive and for 2 hours plus me and feeq only manage to catch 1 prawn which ended up gone when our net had a hole.

Girls Like Them

2011-11-12T13:57:00.002+08:00

Have you ever admire a girl so badly? Perhaps because they are beautiful, gorgeous. Or maybe cause they can still look good without makeups (natural beauty). You like them because you get so intrigued by their unique voice or maybe because they just have an incredible sense of fashion.

That is Nina Dobrev. In you don't know her, she plays Elena and Katherine in drama series Vampire Diaries. I go head over heels for her. What i like about her most is her lips. Its so thin and sexy. And she has the sweetest smile ever. Moreover, i think she looks great even without much makeups on.

Jessie J - She has a freaking marvelous and unique voice. Listen to her lives, her voice sounds just as great as her recordings.

As for Venessa Hudgens, no need to say. Everybody is inspired with her long curly black hair.

Something Like Yesterday

2011-11-11T11:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was the bestest thursday ever. Love going out with feeq cause i could go so many places with him in a day. Feeq picked me up at 12.30 to go jb. I was just wearing tshirt and cargo pants. Lazy to dress up cause feeq had to come back singapore before 4.30pm to settle some errands. Moreover, motive of going Jb was because i wanted to indulge on the different types of food there. Since everything is halal, its like a food paradise you see.

I had wanted to drop by the new mall, KSL city mall but feeq didnt want to take the risk of losing his bike there. So we settle for our usual place, Jusco Tebrau City. Lunched at Kenny Rogers under my treat. It was the bestest lunch ever! And for the first time, my plate was super clean than feeq's.

On the right is my plate. See how clean it is? Hungry girl alert. And the left one was feeq's. Beat that! Bwahaha. Afterwards, we thought of catching a movie but i swear the ticket booth queue was super long. So we head back singapore, went over to 2 bike shops to settle feeq's errands and thats when i saw a hell loads of first hand bikes and they were drop dead gorgeous.

Then the rain poured on us and we spent half an hour under the bridge when we actually have raincoats. I have no idea why we even did that in the first place. Stopped by Changi Village for a cup of coconut drink before feeq sent me home by 7.

piece of mind

2011-11-04T11:54:00.003+08:00

Years back, you girls were like the bestest of friends. Its like nothing in the world could tear the both of you apart. You cared for her the most, she was your 'lil sister'. She loved you, you were her 'big sister'. Everything you have, she had an identical one too. When you're contented, she laughs along with you, when you're down, she lends you her shoulder. And everyday when you thought about how great your friendship was you automatically texted her this 'I love you, ___' hoping she will be your bff.

Now, when you were out with your friend, you bumped into her and you girls just smiled. Your friend asked, 'you know her?' You smiled and you said 'I used to'.

Sometimes its just ironic isn't it? People whom you thought will be there for you in the future doesn't exists in your life now. And people whom you least expect to be a part of your future, well, they are the friends that brings out the best in you.

2011-11-02T18:36:00.002+08:00

This girl here went over my crib yesterday. We were suppose to go out but she suggested for a makeup and photo taking over at my place instead. So we started off with lunch that i cooked for her, exchange stories of each other lives and afterwards we went up to my room and started stalking people on facebook. With ekyn, its always about fashion, style and beauty. So she showed me some of the people she admired, at the same time giving me ideas on my photography and we even go youtubing for hair extensions! It was only 4 plus then we started to makeup and take pictures. But i swear both of us were unsatisfied with the pics at the beginning. My house lighting not good. Pics turned out so lousy. But the ending pics are better when we shot them right in front of my bedroom window. Clear up by 6, she stayed for a little while before i walked her off to the traffic light.

2011-10-31T15:56:00.001+08:00

TRUE THAT!

Geeks like us

2011-10-31T15:20:00.003+08:00

So here's a few of the photos from last friday's photoshoot over at punggol. I tell you the place was awesome. The waterfront park isn't thoroughly complete but it is already open to public. Do visit the place yeah.

Feeq was really sweet to offer me this photoshoot. Guess he knew i was depriving of fun at home. He really took the trouble doing this for me. Mind you, he was having attachment before this. He was even willing to shower after his shift ends just so he would look fresh for this photoshoot. And then he travelled down to my place to pick me up and we head to punggol. Yearp, theme was geeks and nerds. As usual, i was the one who came up with it. Thank god feeq was into this. The previous 2 photoshoot he just wanted to be behind the camera.

Everything went so perfectly. And i'm totally grateful it didnt rain that time. So we snapped shots till there was no more sun light. Ride down to Newton food court afterwards for our all time favourite nasi goreng ayam before he sent me back home.

Seriously, thank you feeq.

And this had to be my favourite

Faith is all i need

2011-10-26T22:17:00.003+08:00

I've always loved arts and fashion. And i will definitely get myself inspired with everything related to it. After being inspired, i will instantly get motivated to do that certain thing. But something will always go wrong somewhere and there goes everything that i had hoped for or at least aim to.

An example. I wanted so much to start my own business of selling my own made DIY accessories. Since i have this fetish for cute vintage rings, i thought hey why not make them instead of buying them? Moreover, Ekyn really inspired me when she sewed up her own bag into magic. She's even currently opening up a business on facebook with her partner selling their own made tote bags. Seen the designs, they were beautiful for starters like them. But after surveying the items, money became the issue. Certainly i had thought about the capital before setting up my business. I thought i should just give it a try but looks like i was wrong. I can't risk my money certainly when it comes from my own savings. Fact that i should face is, i'm not sponsored and getting $950 every month, neither am i wealthy and definitely unemployed. My hopes, burnt.

How about the time when i get so inspired to play the guitar cause i kept listening to my primary school friend covers over at her facebook profile. She had an amazing gift. I wanted to be just like her, i wish i was her. I even prolong the borrowing of my friend's guitar. I took out the guitar one day, sat in front of my laptop, opened up youtube guitar tutorials for beginners and not even half way i gave up. It was harder than it looked. My dreams, crashed.

Now, i'm just hoping that one thing can be achieved, and thats my passion for photography. Feeq has been helping me out a lot on it. And i know he's been trying his best. I have him to thank for at the end of the day. Cause he'll be the one to take me to the places and be the cameraman when i'm the model.

Girlfriend Borrowed

2011-10-26T21:43:00.002+08:00

Did i ever mentioned how much i miss this girl? She's like the only person closest to my poly life. I could never have that awkward moment with her no matter how long we didn't contact. Her mouth just won't stop yanking but i bet she does the same to everyone around her. And thats just what that makes her so Farhanah right.

Borrowed her for a day from her busy schedules. Catch up with each others lives during lunch and i supposed that had to be the longest stay i've been in a restaurant with a friend. After which i became her part time fashion assistant hunting for her clothes. Beat my own record by having another meal before leaving for home which was my dinner. I swear i was super hungry to the max that time.

Thanks for the day girlfriend.

My sister is a keeper

2011-10-18T17:19:00.002+08:00

Thank god I have her around at times.

Supernaturals

2011-10-16T17:46:00.003+08:00

I don't really believe in ghosts, neither do I refute the fact that they do actually exist in our world. I've never encounter one before and I don't wish to. My ignorance is bliss. Fortunately, none of my family members has a third eye. But mom and dad, they could feel their presences. Believe me or not with this, its all up to everyone's own philosophy. I've been living in my current house for 12 years now and up to date, my family is still being disturbed by them.

Lets start with the incident of our belongings being missing first. Years back, it only started with my parents and grandparents money being missing all the time. As time past, mum's and grandmama's jewellery started to go missing too. Even this year, mum lost another gold necklace. And I swear it was a hard time for all of us dealing these. I didn't know whether to believe it was the work of a 'toyol' or one of us. But I trust that everyone in my house is not a thief. I remember dad telling me how he place a plate of green beans at our door. Well, this is to draw away the toyols. Toyols are like little kids you see and so they like to play with green beans. It's like their toy.

Everyone keep saying that every night they will hear marbles dropping from upstairs or a person dragging this big heavy bag across the floor making a particular noise. Trust me there's nothing but the roof above us cause our block is only 3 storey high. Everyone except me hears that. I wonder why?

Dad used to work in a cemetery name Bidadari meaning angel in english. So he told me that the place is going to be set up as an estate. And he warned us not to buy the house there cause there are still graves remaining which couldn't be dug out. So if some housing agent comes to you in the future asking whether you would like to buy a house at Bidadari, say no.

Of cause dad never story to us these events when we were younger. I only started to know of these when I'm in secondary school I suppose. It did scared the shit out of me the first time and it still does now. Mom and dad always remind us never to be scared of them. Its true, they make look so hideous and scary but if you don't fight back, they'll keep disturbing. Always remember Allah. Even if you don't know any prayers, keep saying Bismillah because Allah maha besar.

2011-10-15T14:18:00.001+08:00

Dear feeq, I miss having you around to light up my day.

2011-10-12T13:07:00.001+08:00

2011-10-12T13:03:00.001+08:00

Pretty Girls Rock

2011-10-12T12:49:00.003+08:00

I wanna doll myself up, style my hair to whatever I'm feeling that day, wear those clothes that have been rotting inside my wardrobe for far too long, I wanna walk myself in heels even if it cause me so much pain by the end of the day, take a hell lots of shots with different poses and just have a hell of a good time.

Note to self; these makes me feel good about myself.

2011-10-12T12:47:00.001+08:00

2011-10-12T12:45:00.001+08:00

2011-10-11T16:55:00.004+08:00

Hi cute stuff, I wish to have you in my life but my mummy just doesn't like pets with fur. ):

2011-10-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

2011-10-11T16:51:00.002+08:00

2011-10-08T15:31:00.003+08:00

1- Who my good friends are.

2- What I hate most about myself.

My mood swings. It tends to get really bad especially when I'm under pressure. If it gets too crazy, I'll just throw tantrums on anyone close.

3- What I love most about myself.

I'mma perfectionist. I like to be neat and organised at all times. I could clean my house until there's no tomorrow.

4- What I’m really good at.

Arts is always my thing. I don't have the bestest vocals but I know I could sing and definitely I can draw!

5- What I’m really bad at.

Comforting people. I could never find the right words to say.

6- Biggest turn ons.

8- What I want to be when I get older.

Someone amazing.

9- My relationship with my sibling(s).

I'm closest with my little sister. She brings the kid in me. When we're together, the house is never empty. My elder sisters, I love them the most when I get things from them. Heh heh.

10- My relationship with my parents.

My dad and I, we're like the bestest of friends. My mom, she's my inspiration.

11- My idea of a perfect date.

A date which he plans and I just follow along. A potluck picnic, star gazing, ice skating. A day with so much laughter and cuddles.

12- My biggest pet peeves.

Loud music coming out from the headphones of the listener.

13- A description of the person I like.

A perfect colgate smile.

14- A description of the person I dislike the most.

Don't bother.

15- Where I have lived before.

Simei before moving to Woodlands 12 years ago.

16- What I like the most about school.

Skipping lectures and going out after that or slack a home.

17- Most embarrassing moment.

I unintentionally fart in front of feeq.

18- A description of my self-esteem.

I'm never 100% confident of myself.

19- The reason behind my last break up.

He was an ass.

20- My favourite songs right now.

Stereo hearts - Gym class heroes.

21- A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11.

I miss him.

Better than expected

2011-10-08T15:14:00.002+08:00

It's done. Finally now I get to breathe freedom for 2 months. Thinking back I really had my fun for the 6 weeks of special posting. Operating theater was just average for me. It kinda bores me there over time despite the fact that some of the cases are super interesting to watch. Although I'm not the type who works in a fast pace environment, my A&E was the best so far. Surprisingly, the staffs there were so so way better than the ones in the wards. I guess its due to that that I had a blasting good time.

2011-10-08T15:03:00.001+08:00

Scenes that made my day. Loving all the couples.

2011-10-02T13:18:00.003+08:00

For my 9teenth birthday, I got;

A treat from love to Fish and Co.

A big tin of Redondo wafers from Rain and Aisah when we lepak.

A very sweet brithday card from Kishore with a drawing of me in it.

A beautiful birthday card from mummy, papa and Siti which they bought from Scotland.

A pretty classy Carlo Rino wallet from Sis Adah.

An unexpected surprise birthday call from Putra, Aiman and Bo at midnight and they sang me a birthday song when I was half asleep that time.

A very sweet birthday video made by my awesome girls.

.............

And I'm sharing the same birthday as baby's super 4.

2011-10-02T13:14:00.001+08:00

2011-10-02T13:13:00.002+08:00

2011-10-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

2011-09-25T18:51:00.001+08:00

2011-09-25T18:38:00.002+08:00

Nurul Asyikin, Nurul Nabillah and Siti Harnisha, I promise to hang out with you girls after this coming 2 weeks. You know I'm the type of girl who can only commit to things one at a time kan.

I promise we'll do major catching ups and shoppings. Afterall, you girls are the ones who brings out the best in me ♥

2011-09-18T14:53:00.002+08:00

They're back for good! I like how the first episode of season 3 went. And personally love how this season 3 is a continuation from season 2! I guess I'll be filling up my holidays with these!

First episode of season 3 and I cried my lungs out on this part.

2011-09-18T14:38:00.002+08:00

My 3rd year raye-ing with them.

2011-09-18T14:21:00.003+08:00

This was on the 10 September. Finally, I came for feeq's raye open house. Spent the whole day there. We get to play all sorts of fire crackers but unfortunately there were no more bunge api. Met his dad for the first ever time. Scaaaaaaary! And took pictures with his brothers and their girlfriends. Me and feeq got the privilege of sitting down since we're the eldest. Heh heh. Like perfect family picture already! Hahaha.

A thousand miles away

2011-09-11T20:25:00.002+08:00

Almost everyday I cried before I go to bed or after praying when I think of them. Yes, I miss my mummy, papa, Siti and Kak Nana so so much since last Wednesday. I've been left behind a couple of times before this but this time it felt different. I've never felt this far from them my whole life. And usually the longest they've been away would only be 5 days. Now, its double the days.

And maybe the only reason I feel so much misses for them was because I was supposed to be with them in the first place too.

Right now, I just want them safely here so badly.

I miss you..

Different Is Good

2011-09-09T18:57:00.003+08:00

So far 2 weeks of my geron posting has been good enough for me. I'm blessed enough that I've been placed at St. Luke's Hospital For The Elderly. The staffs there are really pleasant people to work with. Maybe its due to the fact that the workload there is much lesser i guess? There will be tons of opportunities for me to practice my skills everyday and travelling there is very convenient for me. I still have my breaks alone but its okay. I'm used to being a loner when it comes to attachments. How I'm loving the time there, I still want it to end fast cause I swear I want my 2 months holiday so badly. Boohoo.

Here's another cover of Jar of Hearts that I made after hearing the song in the hospital earlier. My webcam voice recorder really sucks. I need to buy myself laptop voice recorder..

Jar of Hearts.wav
Click It.

2011-09-09T18:34:00.004+08:00

Eid Mubarak '11

Cucu-cucu keluarge Osman.

My baby boy ♥

My family.

2011-08-28T11:22:00.004+08:00

Falling in love is always easy. You need not be taught how to do it, you just feel it. But making it last is another thing. It's harder than it sounds.

They say that my sacrifices are just too big for him. But I don't believe in that. I believe relationships are about making choices. The only thing that influence my choices was simple, to make him happy. Because I believe he's he's the only soul who deserves to be happy after everything he had put up for me. Honestly, those sacrifices were very much overwhelming for me, for a girl who only had a relationship once before which doesn't really exist. In time, you won't even remember the things you gave up for him because you had so much fun just being together.

If that particular someone is worth to have around, he is most definitely worth giving up somethings.

2011-08-28T11:20:00.002+08:00

2011-08-28T11:16:00.001+08:00

2011-08-27T21:48:00.002+08:00

Thats the magic word in relationships. You'll hear it often. But thats because you realised your mistakes, wanting to make peace but it doesn't mean you won't do it again. Kan feeq.. (:

2011-08-27T21:45:00.001+08:00

I always like to keep that in mind when i feel at my worst about my relationship. Honestly, it helps.

2011-08-27T20:56:00.003+08:00

We need to take it back in time, when friendship made us all unite.

I miss them like alot like alot like that ♥

I Roll With The Best And Nothing Else

2011-08-15T16:53:00.003+08:00

Dear girls,

Its been a hell of a roller coaster ride with you 3 girls for these 3 years. I know we had our differences along the way and sometimes when it gets so bad, we fought over it. But naturally, that's what friends do right? We fight and we make up. Looking through the old photos, I really had my share of fun with you girls. I'll miss the good old days where the camera was our best friend. All those wide smiles were never fake. We even bought the same watches at Bugis together. Do you remember?

Lets try to keep in contact no matter what ayes.

Love you babes.

2011-08-15T16:40:00.005+08:00

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless.

ROLLING IN THE DEEP - ADELE | SUBMITTED BY STOLENHEARTOFGLASS

2011-08-15T16:38:00.001+08:00

2011-08-15T15:59:00.002+08:00

NR0919

We started our year pretty rough. With hatreds here and there among ourselves. I couldn't see a class in us because we were always in our own cliques. We started with 22 people in our class but in time 3 left and 19 of us remaining. 3 years past with you guys and I felt it was worth it knowing you lovely people. Our final year had to be the best. Having the nicest lab teacher, Ms Tan going through our final moments together.

I hope to meet every single one of you on our graduation day next year. Till then, all the best for your upcoming postings.

I'll miss you guys.

2011-08-15T15:54:00.001+08:00

The Anti Smoking Campaign '11.

Officially the last day of school too.

What's Wrong With The World Mama?

2011-08-07T17:11:00.002+08:00

Last night, I went to geylang with my family to take a look at the bazaar this year. So I was standing at a corner with dad while the rest were queuing to buy food and we started talking about this topic. And now, it hit me to write this post for today.

So they say, as time pass by things change. But from what I see now and hear the stories from my grandparents and parents about how things were back at their time, I wish I existed back then and not now. What happen to our culture and religion? Its a norm to see our youngsters with body arts all over their body nowadays. Best part is, they're not even afraid to show it when they wear sleeveless or cropped top and shorts be it girls or boys. Isn't it a disappointment?

And then comes the issue of clubbing. I have to admit I did want to go club before. But I know there will never be a chance for me to do so because going against my dad is never an option. My curfews are set strictly. Then I wonder, while some people said if I have children in the future, I would allow them to club. Some said they would allow their children to club only if they themselves tag along too and some said a no. And I'm one of those who said no. Just think through, how would you feel if you got to know that your daughter is being grind by other man? The same feeling that you feel, your mum and dad felt it too. So you should always understand why there's a NO to things sometimes. There will always be a reason.

I have to admit that I do feel that life kinda sucks sometimes. Like I don't have a night life and I always feel so controlled but then again, I feel bless to be where I'm standing right now, like this, like Sharizan.

2011-08-01T14:44:00.001+08:00

Wild Wild Wet on a friday afternoon with dearest classmates (:

2011-07-26T14:26:00.001+08:00

Click on the link below for my cover of Break Even by The Script.

Break Even (2) Cover.wav

For Me There Is Only You

2011-07-19T13:37:00.005+08:00

Dear Love,

I wish you knew just how special you are to me. And I can't find the words to make it sound unique, but honestly you made me a stronger person. It's been a while now yet your love never fails to get my day a whole lot better.

I'm myself whenever I'm around with you. I burp loudly like nobody's business in public yet you sniffed it, teased how badly it smelled and laughed. I eat alot, get hungry easily and you try your best to make me full. I danced ridiculously, make ultra horrible faces, laughed like a hyena yet you said all that were cute. I tell lame jokes yet you were the only person who understood the humor. I sing on the bike when I'm feeling contented and you secretly listened to it to the extent that you even memorized the lyrics. On days when I get my mood swings, you were the only close person I threw my tantrums on. And it made me feel so bad when I came to my senses. Yet you understood and forgive me. When we had an argument and I cried you gave in to all your mistakes even mine, wipe my tears held my hand and said sorry. Because you knew just the right amount of love to shower to me.

So you could be annoying at times. Not understanding, insecure, impulsive, egoistic, unromantic but its okay. Despite all your imperfections, I still accept them when i accepted you.

You are not just my boyfriend. You are my bestfriend because I spent a quater of my life with you in it and my secrets, you only know. You're my personal girlfriend because you are the only closest person to me whom I share my gossips and bitching. Apart from that, at times I would regard you as a big brother because you will always be there to cover my troubled backside.

Because you, Muhammad Shafeeq Jumat is just so amazing.

Happy 2 years baby boy.

The Forth-teenth Week

2011-07-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

I realised last week was a fast paced action packed week for me. I skipped almost all lectures starting from Monday just to make the time to study lab skill test. But going back home before seven for three consecutive days and actually squeezing your brains dry, paid off when i got a pass for the test on a Thursday morning. Alhamdulilah, all thanks to my parents, grandparents, feeq and my prayers. And thanks to Allah for hearing them out. Special thanks to feeq for being my mentor.

Then it was set to a photography session at the railway after the test. It was supposed to cancel but feeq was too looking forward to it that i couldn't bear a no for him although i was shagged from all the stressing studies. But we made it home early so that we could have a good rest for our Universal Studio trip the next morning. Celebrated our 2 years relationship with a trip to USS. I had my first freaking roller coaster rides! It was scary but awesome. But i'm still on the closing my eyes and hugging my boyfriend so tightly stage when taking the rides. Hoho.

And then weekends came. Spent my Saturday with Harry Potter And The Deathly Hollows Part 2 with family. Movie was superb, we cried our lungs out in the cinema! So Sunday came and the week just ended.

Exhausting? Totally. And it's left with 3 more weeks before the semester wraps up for goodbyes. ):

2011-07-14T19:58:00.001+08:00

The Railway Tracks photography by Shafeeq Jumat.

2011-07-14T19:50:00.001+08:00

Abang Fahim's engagement day on the 9th July.

2011-07-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

First photography on city lights.

Just My Luck

2011-07-09T17:07:00.002+08:00

Just when things are falling into places, they don't really fall quite to the right places. Everything was going so accordingly. That Scotland trip was almost happening. At the next moment, i had to bid my goodbyes. My posting schedule was a shit. I didn't thought attachments would be that near. That Scotland trip was at a perfect September dates but it was my posting timing which wasn't so perfect at all. They clash and of cause I had to give up that trip. And again, I miss another family holiday. I've not even gone for one ever since I came to poly. Sucks much. Like cancelling the trip isn't sad enough for me, the posting falls on the month of Raye. That means I only have my weekends to celebrate it. And if that's not that bad for you, I'll be celebrating my birthday at the hospital again. If its a morning shift on that day, I'll be grateful enough. If it's an afternoon, tell me something new.

Life sucks.

Blood Lines

2011-07-09T16:34:00.003+08:00

I can't help being so much like my dad. All my talents, interests and hobbies are all inherited from him. Basically, we just share this one common thing called Art. So I like to sing. He used to win a lot of trophies from karaoke competition way back when he was still working at DBS. I was just a few years old back then. He could draw but he doesn't make use of them. Unlike me, I put my drawing skills on use during my leisure time. And I got to know just recently when I'm all gaga over photography that dad used to have photography interest too. He's still keeping his antique Canon T50 dslr which aged around its twenties but is planning to sell it away. Anyone interested?

Then finally I met my new found love. After waiting a torturing year for it finally dad fulfilled his promise to me. I kinda felt bad afterwards cause expansive things like this don't come easy especially for my family. All the excitement turns mutual when I'm at the audio house. Its not being unregretful, it's just being too happy that you don't know how to show it. But I gave dad a hug with a thank you. I wish I could give more to say how thankful I am to him. I love you, dad.♥

Nikon D5100

A Little Girl's Dream

2011-07-07T17:17:00.005+08:00

I have this dream ever since childhood; to sing. I like singing. Its not even a like, I love it. I love how singing makes me happy. I love how the whole idea works. Tone, rhythm, vibration, pitches and how it actually become so amazing when you hear someone with a talent. So I have this primary school friend of mine who I've been stalking lately. I just realised she covers a lot of songs and post them on her facebook profile. Just a while ago, I listened to each and everyone of her covers. I swear she's so good! I felt kinda small after that. She played her own songs with the guitar. So I guess I really have to give credits to her two talents. You're definately amazing girl.

Hearing people like her really inspires me more. But I can't help thinking my voice is not up to that standard yet. As badly as I wanna go jamming and doing covers too, I'm just waiting for the right time to do it with my partner cause he's the music man. As much as people around me inspire me, feeq is the one who inspires me most. Motivating me to do what I love the most. He's a rocking musician himself. Should hear him karaoke especially with songs that you have to pull the notes. He does it best.

2011-07-03T14:36:00.002+08:00

Feat. Farhanah Samad ♥

2011-07-02T17:58:00.001+08:00

For farna, trust me yours will come soon and that's only if you let go of the current.

2011-07-02T17:57:00.001+08:00

2011-06-25T15:24:00.001+08:00

A REAL RELATIONSHIP

Has fights. Has trust. Has faith. Has tears. Has hurt. Has sweet smiles. Hasgenuine laughter. Has weird, stupid, unnecessary arguments. Has patience. Has communication. Has secrets. Has jealousy. And most importantly,love. This is all just a mess that turns out beautiful & an experience that can never be forgotten.

Fair, Unfair?

2011-06-25T14:26:00.002+08:00

I spent my last 3 days of holiday with school, doing fyp. Certainly it sucks cause nobody likes going to school on holidays right? But its not a choice where we could choose between a yes or a no especially when your marks all depends on your attendance and contributions.

I appreciate the fact that people appreciate my artwork and talent. But it pissed me off at times when I'm being boss around to use them. At one point, I'll have to wait for their indecisive minds to come up with a verdict and only then may i allowed to start my task. At times, I wish those other people like me are given an opportunity to speak their minds and they actually hearing it and for once using our idea. It would be fair.

After August 10, I just hope I'll get an A grade of which i deserved.

2011-06-25T14:22:00.001+08:00

A simple day with Green Lantern at Ehub and Koi at the end of the day to satisfy my craving. ♥

2011-06-20T15:36:00.001+08:00

Unfair is how i define my life.

2011-06-20T15:32:00.002+08:00

On the 23rd months:

We went Jb, lunched over at pizza hut, watched KL Gangster, went to feeq's crib, met feeq's cute cute grandmother, singing session with love.

2011-06-20T14:10:00.002+08:00

Last week of school before holidays, skipped lectures for X-men.

2011-06-09T17:12:00.003+08:00

I watched this over at my cousin's crib during the wedding and it was H I L A R I O U S !

Same productions that produced the popular video on relationship 'Strangers Again'.

2011-06-07T18:43:00.000+08:00

Tell me about it.

2011-06-07T18:39:00.000+08:00

Still loving my blogger better (:

2011-06-07T18:33:00.002+08:00

Weekend was a rush with two weddings in one. Welcome to the family Abang Ridzman and Kak Jue! I'm hoping for nephews and nieces soon!

Pictures up soon.

Happiness

2011-06-06T20:47:00.003+08:00

It's almost indescribable isn't it? Things Don't necessarily have to be in order in my life, but its okay. They're just good enough that i can still smile and laugh and maybe even love. It's knowing all the wrong things in my life but not focusing on them. It's pushing the drama behind me and pulling that smile out front. It's not fake and secretly being miserable inside. No.

It's dealing with all the crap in my life first, so i can enjoy being happy, really happy afterwards. I've gotta cry to be able to appreciate a smile. There's no easy path to happiness. But when i reach it, not a million words can describe the feeling.

And I'll start hoping it was all true

2011-05-27T22:07:00.002+08:00

Family's been talking about going to Scotland lately. Parents motive were to actually just ensure sister made it safely to her hostel and probably spend a couple days to accompany her first few days over there. Since my other sister is tagging along, it was only fair mom and dad were to bring me and little sister along too. And mom being mom, she's so muddled about it that i got pissed and gave up hope of gonna ever had another family aeroplane trip. It was always about the stupid money. But dad came back home that day with a super happy face saying he'll pay for my flight. I want to feel happy and believe its gonna happen but i don't want to disappoint myself. I want to feel the coldness of the snow on my feet.

2011-05-27T21:37:00.001+08:00

To sing and becoming one

2011-05-27T21:03:00.003+08:00

Papa got me writing this post when he bring up the topic 'anyone can sing but not all can be a singer' after watching the encore of American's Idol grand finale. The two artists that got us to this issue were the two people of which i had put up the youtube video above to show just how great their voices were. Steve Tyler is like the awesomest rocker. For the age of 63, its amazing how he still sounded so powerful. And for Beyonce, the song she sang had to be difficult for any other people to bring it but she kicked it off so simply.

It takes a talent to becoming a great singer. Most of the time when i'm inspired by these kind of people, i just wish i was gifted.

Dinny's Advance 20th Birthday

2011-05-26T18:52:00.006+08:00

The cupcakes tasted nice even though it looks inedible, the day went just fine though plans we cocked up, dinny was indeed happy, i had my first bus ride to town after ages of not doing so and got myself bus-sick, i finally get dress up and take awesome pictures and had my share of fun!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINNY!

Note to self

2011-05-21T16:39:00.004+08:00

Dear Me,

I miss these two sillyheads of mine that never fails to make a chaos of my day. On another note, i miss going out with humans that i call my friends. Practically now, i'm stuck in a world of myself. My social life has long gone down the drain. I wish to keep up with each of my mates. It's so hard to get the ball rolling when its been stuck for too long. Meeting up is harder than it looks when there's school, work, curfews, plans and blahblahblah. We can never find a perfect day like this. Tell me about it, its been like 365 days even more since i last saw guy friends faces.The last would definitely be Hari Raya 2009. I wish to see them again.

Love,

Myself

Yesterday is but today’s memory, tomorrow is today’s dream

2011-05-15T13:12:00.004+08:00

Dear Feeq,

This week had been a rough time for the both of us. I have to admit that it would be the worst misunderstanding we had gone through for the past twenty-two months with you. I'm glad that its over now and we've reconciled. I have to confess, i never thought we could make it through this. I lost hope on the way. But then i thought it would be so foolish of me to just let go that precious twenty-two months i had with you. I wasn't prepared to change my status because deep down inside i know i still want you.

I was wrong to keep pointing out the mistakes in our relationship and not considering the good memories that we had made. I know i gave you a hard time being my boyfriend. And i know taking care of me wasn't an easy responsibility for you. I'm hard headed, temperamental, unpredictable and above all, you know i'm not easy to please. I may not be the best for you but i'll work hard to being your bestest girl. No relationship is perfect and because of that, we should always fight for what we can't reach. For that reason, what's worth having is always worth fighting for.

I love you dear.

As I lay Dying

2011-05-14T12:59:00.000+08:00

And the director left the last episode hanging. Now i'm wishing that there would be a continuation to this for season 3. Yet again, the kissing scene of Dalena had to be the bestest part. ♥